Fabricated

mini-chapta

2006-08-19T12:32:00.000-07:00

Maggie looked to her left. She looked to her right. She looked down one more time, squinted her eyes, then looked to her left again. Five seconds ticked by on the clock, "I'll see your five, and raise you five more," she said, adding five more oreos to the pot.
Burnsey's brow furrowed as he frowned over his cards. Kekish was studying a salt shaker very intently. Kipfer was lounged across the chaise behind him, throwing tiny pieces of paper at the back of Kekish's head and trying to get them to stick there without him noticing.
The four unfortunates had been left behind to maintain the loft while the others were out retrieving the dog... and in the case of the girls, fabric shopping. Mags had to stay behind to tend the children, Burnsey was in charge of looking after the PM's place, and Kekish and Kipfer had nothing better to do so they had decided to crash in T.O. for a while. Burnsey was just about to match Maggie's five oreos, when his cell phone rang. It wasn't his usual stylish black flip phone with BEP's 'Pump It' as the ring tone, it was the special top-secret-only-call-in-case-of-emergencies-fire-engine-red-phone that sounded like a fire engine. Burns flipped it open and listened intently. He didn't say anything, just nodded as somebody made alot of noise over the other end. He flipped it closed. Maggie, Kekish and Kipfer were staring at him.
"There'ssssssss been a crassssssshhhhh," he stated bluntly. Maggie's eyes went wide and the two art teachers went pale. Everyone was quiet for a few seconds, then Burnsey replaced his red phone with his ultra-stylish-black-one and flipped it open. His face was grim. He dialed a number and held it up to his ear,

"Get me the Sensei."

side note

2006-08-19T12:25:00.000-07:00

Hey kids! Guess what??? I'm SHOPPING!!!!! YES!
Also... it took us eight hours to get here as the border patrol is insane right now. The people we're traveling with had to pull over and get their car inspected for terrorists... or illegal substances... or something. i dont know why. I think its because Jay made a joke about gun control while they were @ the border crossing... also we forgot to tell his dad the name of the city to which we were actually going, so that may have looked somewhat strange.

Anyways... hopefully i'll see y'all demain

cheers mates... or as they say here in the south... g'day y'all.

-j

The next chapter after the last chapter.

2006-08-14T17:04:00.000-07:00

The world was black. Jo was floating. She was on a cloud. She could feel the soft mist on her face. She was drifting along, calmer than anything she had ever known, up and down, back and forth, like a lullaby. She must be high. It was all a dream.... back and forth, back and forth,
"Joannnnnnaaaaaa...." God was calling her, "Jooooooooannnnnna....." she opened her eyes.
Adam was staring at her.

Either Adam was God or she was in hell...

"Jo!" Adam grabbed her shoulders and shook her back and forth.
"Wha...??"
"Good, you're alive." Adam sat back. Jo tried to sit up. Her entire body ached. She looked around. She was inside what appeared to be a flourescent orange tent. It was hexagonal in shape. Adam was sitting across from her, Matt beside him, then Eric, then Julie. Everyone was soaked. Everyone was covered in scrapes and bruises. Everyone's hair was a mess. (Everyone's clothing was completely ruined!!!)
"What... happened...?" she asked.
"We crashed." Adam replied.
"Crashed..."
"Ya..."
"So.... where are we....?"
"Look outside." Adam leaned over to one of the walls of the tent and pulled at the zipper. Jo stuck her head outside and screamed. Water. Water. Water. They were in the middle of the ocean!

Definitely Hell.

Note

2006-08-14T17:03:00.000-07:00

Now please read the last chapter over again. By last chapter I mean "The Last Chapter", not the last chapter.

got it? good.

Back Track

2006-08-14T15:32:00.000-07:00

After attempting to kill Eric, being pried off of him by a fugitive and a prime minister, then attempting to kill the Prime Minister, jo had been locked in her bedroom. Burns had called up her therapist, Mrs. Dillweed-Parks, and had shoved the cell phone under the door. Talking to someone more screwed up than she was always had a calming effect on Jo.
"Okay guys, you can let me out..." It was five o'clock and she was getting hungry. Nobody answered. "Guys...? GUYS!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!" Jo started banging on the door.
"I thought you said we could let you out?" came Adam's voice from the other side.
"Adam. Seriously." Jo was pissed off. Really pissed off. This had not been a good day, and to top everything off... "SHIT!!!" she had just remembered the dinner party they were supposed to be having. "ADAM! THE DINN--" The door flew open and Jo fell into the hallway, slamming her nose into the wall. That was going to leave a mark.
"Ya, I know," replied Adam casually. He was standing beside the open door, knob-in-hand, "Everything's under control."

Jo walked into a brightly lit kitchen. Matt and Eric were sitting at the table, already-full plates infront of them, deep in conversation with two middle-aged men. Julie was standing infront of the double-oven, simoultaniously checking on its contents and chatting it up with another woman, who was tossing a salad.
The first man turned to look at Jo, "Heeeyyyyyyy!" he greeted her, drawing out the 'eh' sound of the word as much as possible. He raised one hand in the air in a kind of a salut and blinked twice, "How's it goin?" Paul Kekish's hair was still the same silvery colour it had been in high school, although his forehead had grown considerably since then. John Kipfer didn't even bother to turn around. He just raised his hand and flicked his wrist in a very sharp wave and said, "Hey Jo," before continuing the conversation. They were talking about the latest X-Box game.
Jo gave them an easy, "Hey," then went over to see what the girls were talking about. Maggie Martz gave Joanna a huge smile-- too huge for Jo's current mood.
"HEY JOANNA!!!" She wasn't yelling. Just talking. Loudly. Maggie had a tendency to do that sometimes.
"Hey. Sorry for not greeting you earlier... we had... er... a bit of trouble--"
"So I've heard! Everyone's filled me in already!"
"Oh."
"Don't worry, now that this whole micro-chipper thing has come up, you'll have no problems at all finding the dawg... salad's done!"
Julie turned around, wine glasses in hand, "Yah, Adam's already put in a bunch of calls and Burns is on his way right now with its location. Sit down! Eat!" She pushed Jo back to the table and sat her down in a chair. The table was laden with food: A homemade-Kekish-made pizza, Maggie's salad (which Julie had actually whipped up from the left overs in the fridge), a bowl of chicken wings, pita slices with three kinds of dips, and corn on the cob. A bottle of wine, a pitcher of iced tea and several cans of Fresca sat in the middle.
"SUPPER!" Maggie yelled.
Jo raised an eyebrow, "Maggie... everyone's already here..."
There was a giggle from down the hall. Then two giggles. Then an outright laugh and four blonde heads emerged from inside the closet: Maggie's quads. Two boys and two girls, all four years old, all bearing an incredible resemblence to their mother. They skipped, galloped, stumbled and jogged over to Mags, who was mechanically dishing out small portions of the food onto four plates. "Molly, Michael, Matilda, Mark," Maggie handed each child a plate, then herded them over to a corner of the kitchen where a picnic blanket had been laid out on the floor. The kids didn't argue: they were incredibly well behaved for four year olds. Maggie took her place at the adult table, Matt began pouring drinks and everything finally had a hint of normalcy.

After dinner, Burnsey arrived. The kids were napping in a spare room. The adults had retired into the living room, sipping more wine and enjoying the chocolate cake Maggie had thrown together upon arrival. Burns slid over to Adam, "Messsssage for you, Ssssssir" and handed him a piece of paper. Adam opened it, read it over, and nodded. He passed the paper to Matt. Matt read it, opened his eyes really wide, then passed the paper to Eric. Eric practically threw a fit reading the note, choking on his chocolate cake when he started to laugh before passing it off to Julie. Julie shook her head and rolled her eyes, then handed it off to Maggie. Maggie took one look at the paper, started laughing, continued laughing, started cackling-- Jo grabbed the message, but before she could read it Maggie yelled, "INDIA! GOOD LUCK!". Jo didn't freak out. Everyone stared at her. Kekish coughed. Kipfer scratched his head.
Jo smiled. Adam cringed. Eric tried to hide behind his slice of cake. Julie moved her chair away from her.
"India?" she said. Everyone held their breath. "I can go fabric shopping! Yay!" Jo jumped out of her chair and went to pack her bag. Everyone else just looked at each other. Adam sighed, then turned to Burnsey, "Ready the jet".

2006-08-14T15:29:00.000-07:00

well well well... what do we have here? someone who can formulate WORDS. other than ribbit. surprise surprise.

i guess i shall back track for those of you somewhat confused. don't you have any imaginations of your own???

-j

2006-08-09T20:12:00.000-07:00

see what happens when you make me angry???

The Last Chapter

2006-08-09T19:55:00.000-07:00

The beat of Jo's heart was so loud it was almost drowning out the screaming.

Almost.

She closed her eyes and tried to picture herself back in her office, sipping herbal tea and chatting it up with Burnsey and her other workers. It wasn't working. This was it. The plane banked right, nearly throwing her out of her seat. Julie was curled up in a ball, crying and clutching at her prada bag. Adam and Eric were also bawling, in their seats in front of her. They had each other in a tight hug. The plane shuddered and creaked, then pitched downward. She couldn't see Matt behind her, but she could hear him screaming along with the rest of them. Sudenly the lights went out. They were vertical now, the seatbelt digging into her stomach, her hands pressed up against the back of Adam or Eric's seat... she couldn't remember whose. The screaming was constant... the animalistic crys of her friends and the air roaring past the wings of the plane filled her head. She couldn't think anymore. This was the end. The end of them all.

Five seconds later, the plane hit the water and broke apart.

Author's Note

2006-08-06T18:22:00.000-07:00

ok. you know what? i'm putting alot of effort into this story. ALOT OF EFFORT. and it would be really nice if i could get some FEEDBACK. as in comments. comments would be good. and I know that some of you give me feedback in person, but it's just not the same! it's really not that hard. even a simple, "okay, i read this." would be much appreciated.

...

sigh. fine then. don't comment. but if you end up with palm trees growing out of your ears, it's not my fault. (And to those of you who are tempted to write "man! I would LOVE to have palm trees growing out of my ears!" ... GROW UP. You so totally would not as it would be VERY uncomfortable and it would make it incredibly difficult to get around.)

Thanks. jwhy.

I think i'm gonna stop calling them chapters (six)

2006-08-05T16:23:00.000-07:00

It was about twenty minutes later. Jo was sitting in the living room with Julie, Eric and Adam (Adam still surrounded by four of his body guards... who were complimenting each other on their latest hair styles...) waiting for Matt to get out of the shower. Julie was on her phone... again, as was Eric (speaking in Japanese). Adam was stretched out as much as possible on the Ave Microfibre chaise lounge that he and Jo had bought about a year ago from a private auction. His arms were sprawled over the sides and Jo was pretty sure he was sleeping behind those aviators. Finally Matt emerged from the bathroom, a cloud of steam billowing out of the door behind him. He was still glaring at Adam from across the room, but at least he no longer looked like a homeless man. His hair was clean and he was dressed in one of Adam's designed-by-Jo suits. He collapsed into an empty chair, "I havn't slept in twenty four hours," he groaned. Julie and Eric flicked their phones shut at the exact same time. "Well that was dumb," Julie remarked. Matt smirked at Julie's comment. "Yesterday my house was invaded by the SWAT team, I was arrested for God-knows-what, I was put in a jail cell with three guys who could EAT me... WHOLE, and spent the night on the floor of that cell when they wouldn't let me have one of those stupid bunks. Cement does not make a good pillow." He rubbed his head. "How'd you get out?" Jo asked. "I called Eric and he bailed me." "You owe me thirty thousand dollars." Eric checked his watch, "So what are we doing about that dog?" He looked at Adam and laughed, "Suki's going to KILL him if he doesn't get it back." Adam grunted and turned over. "I don't know." Jo groaned, "Nobody in the building has seen it and we've checked everywhere." Suddenly Adam sprang up from the chair, "I'M AWAKE, MR. PRESIDENT! I SWEAR!" He looked frantically around the room, shaking his head so much that his aviators went flying. They hit matt square on the forehead. Adam blinked twice, taking deep breaths, then realizing that he had not, in fact, fallen asleep during peace talks with the American President, he ran a hand through his hair and sat back down on the chaise, trying to act as natural as possible. The other people in the room just stared at him. "Right..." said Jo, "So what do we do now?" "Do about what?" Adam asked. "The dog, fucking moron," answered Matt, chucking the aviators back at the PM. "Oh. Right." Adam scratched his head, "Ummm... well..." Eric let go of a dramatic sigh from where he was sitting on the other side of the room, and started chuckling. Annoyed, Adam narrowed his eyes at him, "What? What could you possibly have to say?" Eric stood and walked over to a giant art-deco style mirror that hung on one of the walls and began fixing his jet black hair (the dye job was yet another attempt of his to blend in with his Japanese counterparts). "Well. I just thought I'd ask if you'd tried tracking him down using the high-tech microchip that's embedded into his skin?" Adam blinked, "What micro--" "GRAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" The tribal yell was coming from the throat of Joanna, who was at that very moment throwing herself at the throat of the wannabe-japanese-man with a look of murderous rage in her eyes. "I---HAVE---BEEN---YOU---FUCKING---GOING---TO---KILL---WHY---DIDN'T---YOU---TELL---US---" Eric was gasping for air and trying to untangle Jo's hands. The words, "Help me..." squeeked out of his mouth, but the other three friends just sat there. "Should we call her off?" Julie asked. "Let's give her a few more minutes," replied Adam.

A bit of Chapter five... I think...

2006-07-26T07:13:00.000-07:00

"So, there's still a few things I don't understand..." Julie's voice was somewhat muffled as her entire upper body was hidden beneath Jo's bed. They were searching the loft for Adam's--err--some strange investor...?'s naked dog.
Jo stuck her head out of the closet, "Like what?"
"Well... for instance... what is a JAPANESE investor doing with a CHINESE crested?" Julie pulled herself out from under the bed, her navy blue blouse covered with dust bunnies. "You need to clean under here more often."
"No time," Jo tossed an old sock into the room. "And it doesn't really matter what the origin of the dog is... I mean, it's like a French couple owning an English Bulldog."
"I guess so." Julie finished dusting herself off and sat on the bed. "Another thing... if your assistant-guy is actually Adam's bodyguard... why was he attacking him when he walked into the room this morn?"
Three pairs of metalic leggings (the spawn of the metalic shoes/miniskirts and leggings era) went flying into the room. "Never again," Jo muttered under her breath.
"BECAUSE Burnsey didn't recognize me with orange hair." Adam strolled into the room and collapsed into a futon chair next to the bed, "Any luck?"
Jo emerged from the closet wearing her prom dress, "Ha! It still fits!"
Julie rolled her eyes and Adam threw a corn pop at her. Adam was eating corn pops out of the box again. "Seriously guys, we need to find that dog."
"We?" Jo disappeared into her closet again to change.
"Yes, WE. It's a matter of national security."
Julie grabbed the cereal box out of Adam's hands, "I thought you said it was a matter of Eric making millions of dollars?"
Adam grabbed the box back. "Well, yah...but this dog is like, his baby. You know what happens when the Japanese get angry... look at Pearl Harbor."
"Okay. That was a totally different situation."
"How so?"
"Well for one, it involved a WAR."
Jo emerged from the closet again, dressed in her original clothes. "It doesn't matter guys. Let's just find the dog and move on."
--- DING DONG DING DONG DING DING DING DONG DONG---
Jo's father had given her a doorbell as a Christmas present one year. Whenever somebody wanted to be rung up into the apartment, it sounded like carol of the bells on crack. Jo walked out into the hallway and pressed the button on the intercom, "Who is it?"
"Let us up." Jo decided to ignore the fact that the people on the other end hadn't bothered to answer the question. She knew the voices and buzzed them up without hesitating. When she walked back into the bedroom, Julie was sitting on the bed still, but Adam had disappeared.
"Where's...?" Julie pointed at the closet door, which sprang open to reveal Adam... wearing Jo's prom dress.
"Fit's like a dream!" Jo was at a loss for words. She and Julie could only laugh.

Two minutes later, Jo and Julie were munching corn pops on Jo's bed and Adam was changing again the closet. They looked up when they heard the apartment door open.
"Hello?"
"We're in here!" Jo yelled.
Two figures appeared in the bedroom doorway. One was a very tall, very thin man wearing, yet another one of Jo's incredible suits. His jet black hair made his already-very-pale skin look even whiter. The second man was a bit shorter. His clothing was torn and dirty and his hair was an absolute mess. He looked as if he had been sleeping in dumpsters for the past year.
Jo and Julie stared at the second man, wanting to laugh, but very afraid to at the same time. Jo was the first one to speak: "What happened to you?"
Just then the closet door opened again to reveal Adam (no longer suit clad, but wearing his usual shorts and t-shirt). Adam took one look at the pair of men, yelped, then slammed the door shut again, just as the messy guy ran at him, a murderous look in his eyes.
"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!" Matthew Aubie struggled to pull the door open. From inside the closet, Adam was pleading for his life.
"Come on! It was only a joke! You started it with the whole hair thing!"
"LET ME IN!!!"
"Joke! J-O-K-E! You know, funny, ha ha...?"
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH IN THE LAST 24 HOURS???!?!?!"

The second man collapsed onto the futon.
"So Eric, how goes it?" Jo asked, offering him a corn pop.
"Meh. Could be better." Eric accepted the box. The three of them watched, unfazed as Matt started slamming his body into the door, trying to break it open.
"You break it, you're putting in a new one." Jo warned.
"I bet you fifty bucks that Matt wins," Eric yawned.
"I'll take that bet," answered Julie. A beeping sound came from inside the closet, and ten seconds later, fifteen giant men in suits swept into the room and jummped on Matt.
Adam opened the closet door, "HA! Primo-minista one, Atthew Ubie ZERO!"
Without looking away from the action infront of them, Julie opened her hand and Eric deposited a fifty dollar bill into it.

The Rest of Chapter Four

2006-07-24T19:08:00.000-07:00

The limo was incredibly lavish. There were six flat screen televisions mounted on the walls and two mounted on the ceiling. A mini bar stocked only with Jack Daniels ("He's a good guy once you get to know him...") and coke took up one side, while a long bench of plush leather took up the other. Adam poured himself a drink. Jo glared at him.
Three years ago the world went insane. At least in Jo's head it did. Adam was the youngest person to ever be elected Prime Minister of Canada. Actually... when she thought of it... he was probably the best Prime Minister ever elected too. He wasn't an alcoholic or a smoker (except for the occasional cigar of course), his speeches were never boring, and he was always very well dressed when he appeared in public (Jo made sure of that). His casual, I-don't-care-if-I-havn't-cut-my-hair-ever look appealed to the little people. His super-stylish aviators appealed to the bigger ones. What threw everyone over the edge, however, was his incredible success in spray painting the White House to resemble the Canadian Flag. (They were still painting layers of white over the giant maple leaf dome).
On a deeper level, he had single handedly managed to abolish all taxes, improve the country's health care system tenfold and was also credited with discovering a new, environmentally friendly fuel made from marijuana (it was an OCAD project). Jo couldn't help but notice that the world seemed to be a much happier place now that Adam was in charge. She still thought the general public was insane, however... because when it all boiled down... it was ADAM! The guy's first official act as Prime Minister was to outlaw any use of the words "Maubie, Matthew, or Aubie". The minimum fine for the violation of this law was one thousand dollars. A certain Artist, who was now forced to go by the name Atthew Ubie was still getting random tickets in his mailbox whenever an old piece of his artwork showed up on Ebay. Adam's second act as Prime Minister was to move the official residence to Jo's loft. There was no way he was going to live in Ottawa. Toronto had grown on him.
Jo didn't mind so much, usually. Except for the occasional secret agent dropping in through her bedroom window, she barely remembered that Adam was in charge of a country. Plus, she liked the fact that the doorman was a black belt. She DIDN'T like the fact that he hadn't told her about Burns. As if ANYONE would try to kill him!!! Well... except maybe for that Ubie guy... and the Americans... they could really hold a grudge... but through Jo??? No way man.
Jo accepted a drink from the PM (coke, no whisky) still glaring at him. "So, now that we're safely inside a moving vehical... would you please give us SOME form of explaination in regards to this dog? And your hair? ANYTHING???" Adam may have time to kill in his profession, but Jo had serious work to do today.
Adam sighed, "Fine." He flipped his cell phone out of his pocket, pressed three buttons on it, then replaced it. He took another sip of his drink, flipped a panel on the roof down to reveal a mirror, fixed his hair, reflipped the mirror, pressed another button on the side of the limo to open the sunroof, paused, closed the sun--
"ADAM?!?!?!" Jo was totally ready to dump her drink in his lap.
"Alright, alright. Jeese woman, keep your shoes on... have some whisky." Jo was fuming. Julie was swishing the ice cubes in her coke around. She was just thankful that she had an excuse NOT to go to work today.
Adam cleared his throat and began, "Okay. So last night I was over at Eric's playing poker with the leader of Japan and that Att kid, and I was totally killing it! I MEAN KILLING IT!!! I cleaned out Att in about ten minutes, and Eric was out in like, fifteen. It was so awesome! But this Japanese guy... woah... he was tough. He had me going for awhile... eventually I cleaned him out though and all he had left to bet was his dog... that would be Fitz. He totally thought he could win too! (I don't think anyone really taught him how to play right in the first place, but that's beside the point.) Anyways, he actually bets his DOG. I totally won too! I was just going to be a nice guy about the whole thing and give the dog back, but this Japanese guy wouldn't have it. He started muttering some gibberish about Eric or whatever, then laughed a bit and left with his thugs. Strangest thing I've ever seen, that man... whoever decided to elect him must have been out of their mind..."
Julie laughed under her hand and rolled her eyes again. Adam glared at Julie. Julie saw Adam glaring and glared back saying, "What are you going to do? Deport me??"
Jo poked Adam in the ribs, "So the dog's not really yours. Keep going..."
Adam cleared his throat again, ("You should really take something for that..." said Julie in the background) "Anyways, Eric tried to conivince them to stay, but they left... without the dog. As soon as they left, Eric started yelling at me in Japanese..."
Jo rolled her own eyes... ever since Eric had taken over Toyota he had become obsessed with the language. He had even changed his first name from Eric to Erikku in an attempt to bond with his foreign employees.
"Apparently the dog actually belongs to some important Japanese investor and this leader was supposed to be watching him for the weekend. See... I thought he was betting the DOG... he was actually betting the chance to BABYSIT the dog. Eric thought he'd be funny and let me win... dumbass."
Julie laughed again, "Serves you right."
"You know, I CAN have you deported... all it takes is one phone call---"
"ADAM. SHUT UP and keep going." Jo screamed.
"Fine! Deport me! I'm taking all of the profits from my magazine with me--"
"You don't make any profits! And who needs magazines to begin with--"
"I MAKE PLENTY OF PROFITS---"
"YOUR FACE IS UGLY---"

BANG!

Julie and Adam looked at Jo. Jo had just thrown a Jimmy Choo at one of the flat screens. She was breathing heavily and her pupils were dialated. Julie slummped down in her seat and took another sip of her coke... Adam shuffled away from Jo and cleared his throat again...
"Yeah. So. To make a long story short... I was stuck babysitting this stupid dog for the weekend for some Japanese guy who was going to give Eric like, millions of dollars or something. Now the dog is gone, and if I don't find it, investor guy won't invest in Eric, and Eric will go out of business. Also, he'll kill me. Eric will kill me. Or try to. He definitely couldn't kill me. Even without body guards. But he'll try. And that would suck because he would probably die from the effort. And then who's going to run poker night?"
Jo was rubbing her forehead, "What about your hair?" she asked.
"Oh that? Att was bitter and decided to put some colouring stuff in my hair while I was asleep. It washes out though, stupid guy. He'll get what's coming to him though, haha. I changed his police record to "Wanted Fugitive" last night." Adam started laughing uncontrolably.
Jo shook her head again. Insane, she thought, Canadians are Insane to let him have control over everything. The limo pulled up infront of the Candy Factory and Burns got out to open the door for the occupants.
"I should have just gone to university."

Chapter Four

2006-07-24T11:09:00.000-07:00

Cars zoomed past the two incredibly dressed business-savy women standing outside on Queen Street. It was now 10:00 in the morning. The two minutes had dragged on just a bit. Julie was tapping her amazingly heeled foot on the cement, impatient. "Honestly. How long could it take to grab a shirt???" she said half to herself, half to Joanna.
Jo pulled out her cell phone, about to call Burns for the third time, when there was a loud bang behind her. The front doors of the boutique swung open with increidble force as Adam stepped out of the store. His appearance had certainly changed over the last half hour. Gone was the blue shirt and orange hair. Instead, Adam was wearing a beautifully tailored (by Jo of course) black suit made from the softest wool. A matching black silk tie was around his neck and his once-again-brown hair was tied behind him. He pulled his legendary aviator sunglasses out of the suit pocket and placed them over his eyes, bond-like.
Aparently unaware of the shocked expressions on the faces of the girls, Adam cleared his throat, removed a little black cell phone from his pocket and held it in the air. "Pull her around." He said, to nobody in particular, then pressed a button on the phone and redeposited it into his suit. Ten seconds later, a sleek black limo pulled up infront of the boutique. The chauffer stepped out to help his guests into the car, flashing his one gold tooth.
"BURNS????" Jo was completely confused, "WHAT THE HELL???!?!?!?"
"Sssss'alright." Burns slid around the car and opened the door.
Adam checked his timex, "We're going to be late. Burnsey has been working for me for the last three years. He's my favourite body guard."
Jo was flabberghasted. "Body guard?"
"Yah. I arranged for him to work here because I would be spending so much time in the shop. Also, everyone knows we live together, so what if somebody tried to kill me through you? Definitely could not let that happen."
Burnsey smiled at Jo, "Prime Minisssssssstasssssss gotsssss ta have taire ssssssstandardssssss," he turned to Adam, "Sssssssssir?"
Adam stepped infront of Jo and into the limo. Jo turned to Julie, who rolled her eyes. She shook her head. "You guys coming?" Adam called out from inside.
The things you do for your friends. They got in and Burnsey shut the door.

Chapter 3

2006-07-12T18:50:00.000-07:00

It was Adam. He ran into the room frantic, his t-shirt stained with some strange blue liquid, and his hair no longer hidden underneath his hat. He looked like a drunken smurf. On fire.
Jo was so alarmed, she let go of the skirt and stepped backwards, falling onto the dressing screens... which in turn fell onto Julie. At the exact same moment, Burnsey performed an incredible flying leap (à la James Bond meets the Matrix) and managed to knock the intruder over and catch the falling skirt at the same time.

Not a thread out of place.

"Ow." Jo rubbed her butt. That was definitely going to leave a mark. She sat up. With the skirt once again out of harms way, Burnsey had placed Adam in a headlock, tangled turquoise dreads mixing with alarmingly orange curls.
"JO-OW!!!!!" Adam sounded like a dying cat, "JO...GET...OW...HIM...STOP IT....OFF....MY HAIR!!!!"
"Down Burns." Jo didn't even bother yelling... she was way too confused. Burnsey instantly removed himself and went to stand between the smurf and the skirt. Adam stood up and began shaking Jo by the shoulders.
"JO!!!! YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!!!" This was definitely not helping her headache.
"Adam! Calm down!" She extracted herself from his death grip and slapped him across the face. Adam instantly stopped. He stared at her, dumb for a second, then sat down on the floor, in the middle of the room.
"Alright," said Jo, "what the fuck is going on???"
Adam was staring at his feet, a huge pout on his face, "I lost him."
"Lost who?"
Adam sniffed. "Fitz. I lost Fitz."
"Who?" It was still WAYYYY to early for this.
"Fitzgerald! The Dog!"
"Ohhhhhh...." Right. She remembered now. The naked chiwawa.
"Wait... You lost him??" How can one find, then lose a dog in two hours?
"It's all my fault!" Adam stood up again and began to pace. "He was right there beside me. We were sunbathing on the roof and I was eating popcorn and he was eating popcorn and everything was perfectly fine and then Mindy... you know, MINDY... walked by and I said, I said, 'Hey Minds, wanna see my naked dog?' and she totally dumped her blue martini all over me and when I turned around Fitz was gone!"

Wow, thought Jo, the man can babble.

"Wait," Julie popped her head out from under what was left of the screen, "was the dog still beside you when you asked Mindy that question?"
Adam looked thoughtful. "I don't know."
"That explains alot." She disappeared again under the rubble, trying to find her other shoe.
"Guys, I've just got to find him! I have no choice!" Adam looked like he was about to cry. Or throw things. Or both. Jo needed to take action. Immediately.
"Okay, okay. Calm down. We'll find him. Burns--" She turned to her watchful assistant, "Take the skirt back downstairs and finish up the alts. I have to step out for a bit, so you're in charge." She looked back at Adam, surveying his now-bright-blue-t-shirt. "Adam, follow Burns downstairs and grab something out of the main closet... ANYTHING out of the closet... we'll be down in a sec." Adam and Burns headed back towards the elevator, bickering over who would get to press the button and shoving each other back and forth.
Jo turned around. Julie was on her cell phone ("I don't CARE if Paris thinks the text colour clashes with her dress! We're staying with the green because I SAY SO. If she doesn't like it, we'll find someone else for that month's cover.) She mouthed the words 'two minutes' to her, recieved the confirming nod, then called down to Lola to tell her to cancel her next few appointments. It was only nine thirty in the morning...

Chapter 2 Continued

2006-07-11T17:41:00.000-07:00

Twelve minutes later Joanna burst through the front doors of “Fabricated”, the boutique she had opened after graduating from OCAD. It had started out as a fabric store specializing in hand printed and died materials, but over the last four years it had significantly expanded. Now Fabricated was three floors of one of a kind fabrics, handbags, clothing and accessories, all of which were designed by Miss Joanna herself. The fourth floor of the building acted as her studio, office and personal fitting room. After a few years, the demand for her products had grown so much that Jo was forced to hire a full staff. Some of her employees (most of which were current students at OCAD themselves) ran the store, while others assisted her with sewing, fittings and booking appointments with VIP cliental. Fabricated certainly kept her busy, but her love of the work made it completely worth it.
A snotty looking woman with over-dyed platinum blonde hair stood behind the sales desk, examining her nails. As soon as Jo entered the room, she jumped to attention.
“Good morning Ms. Schleimer! How are you today???” The blonde scurried over to take Jo’s coat and bag.
“Fine, fine Lola.” Jo responded, uninterested. Lola was always trying to suck up to her. “Is she here yet?”
“No, not yet Miss.” Lola had some of her cherry red lipstick on her front teeth. Jo glanced at her and cringed, then walked over to the 1930s inspired elevator and pressed the button to her office.
“Well tell her to come up as soon as she gets here.”
“Yes, yes, of course Miss!”
“And Lola, please, stop calling me Miss.” Jo hated the snobby sounding title.
“Of course Miss!” Lola was now standing almost directly under Jo’s nose. She reminded her of an annoying, yappy puppy…. Wait… puppy… dog… did Adam say the dog had gone out back?? Their loft didn’t have an ‘out back’… only a sunroom…
The elevator arrived and Jo stepped in.
“Did you want anything else, mi…s..s..” Jo heard as the elevator doors rolled shut, almost squishing Lola’s expectant face. She sighed yet again… where did she find these people?
The elevator opened again to reveal Jo’s studio. Finally she could relax! The room was entirely open concept. At one end was a huge drafting table, cluttered with pencils, paint brushes and various types of papers. Four large tables formed a circle in the center of the room, two of which held some very expensive sewing machines. In the center of them, three half-naked dress forms modeled scraps of fabric. In the far end of the room were a few large dressing screens, a three way mirror, a couple stools and some uncomfortable-yet-tres-mod white arm chairs… the fitting area.
Bookshelves lined one wall and huge rectangular windows let in light on another. It was Joanna’s playground! She giggled upon entering, walked across the room and crashed into one of the arm chairs. What a morning! A little silver remote control was lying on a small end table beside her. She picked it up, pressed one of its tiny buttons and “Welcome to the Jungle” started blasting from six hidden speakers in the room.

Right. That’s what I call relaxing.

Jo closed her eyes and was awakened a minute later by a rude tap on her shoulder. Standing in front of her was the current Artistic Director of Toronto Life Fashion… THE Miss Julie Whyte. She was attempting to balance a tray with two Timmy’s cups on one hand while trying to cover both ears with the other.
“TURN IT DOWN!” she yelled over the music.
Jo pressed another button on the remote and the music stopped.
“Hey!” she greeted her long-time-friend-and-favourite-client.
“Hey, nothing,” Julie set the tray down beside the remote, “I think you busted both of my ear drums! This skirt better be worth it.” Joanna laughed and hugged her friend. Julie kicked off her red vintage Charles Jourdan pumps and collapsed on the chair beside Jo’s.
“Ah man, what a morning!” she sighed, “I didn’t get to leave last night’s promo until four… you know how editors can talk… and I just got off the phone with my secretary. Apparently Miss Lohan wasn’t happy with any of the photos shot for next month’s cover and wants to do the entire thing over. Do you have any idea how long that’s going to take? God! Like re-shooting is going to do anything to cover up those bags!”
Jo laughed again, “Celebrities.” She picked up the tea Julie had brought her, then stood and walked over to the other side of the room. On the wall beside the three way mirror was an intercom. She pressed the button. After a few seconds a very low voice emitted itself from the box's silver grate, "Yo Jo!"
"Hey Burns, can you send up the skirt?" she asked her faithful production supervisor. Burnsey was an absolute gem in Joanna's eyes!
"Word, sssss'right here in ma handsssssss," he slurred back from the other end of the 'com. The main production area of the shop took up three quarters of the third floor. The last quarter made up a small gallery/show room for Jo's favourite pieces. On this particular day the show room was painted completely white, with a white pedestule in the centre. Eight spot lights lit up the stand, on which sat a single belt buckle. Jo had personally hand crafted the buckle out of melted bottle caps and shards of coloured glass. Madonna had already placed an order for one with a blue colour scheme.
Jo was just telling Julie about said belt buckle when the elevator doors opened again and Burnsey walked in with a blue garment bag over his arm. "Ssssssssssssss'up all?" he greeted them. Burnsey was almost seven feet tall and built like an ox. His hair, at one point in time was black, but now it hung in turquoise coloured dreads all the way down his back. He wore a black suit with a red tie and had a single gold tooth. Jo had met him one night when he worked as a bouncer at a club she was visiting. They got to talking about his love of fashion, and the rest was history.
He unzipped the bag and revealed a beautiful turquoise skirt that almost matched his hair. Jo had designed the fabric's pattern herself. It was based on the feathers of a peacock: long lines of oranges, yellows, purples and greens, from the very pale to the very bold.
"Oh my God! It's perfect!" Julie exclaimed, rushing over to run her hands along the smooth fabric.
"It's not bad, if I do say so myself."
The next hour passed quickly with Julie standing infront of the three way while Jo shoved pins in her butt. Finally, Jo was satisfied. "Alright. You can change."
"Thank you!" As excited as she was to have that skirt, standing for so long when one was not riding a subway was incredibly trying... especially when your supposed friend makes you put your heels BACK on to "ensure the length is perfect".

Whatev.

Julie slipped behind the screens to change back into her work clothes. Jo was just putting the skirt back into the bag when the elevator doors opened for the third time.

"JOAHHHHHHHHHHHNAHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Chapter Two

2006-07-11T17:02:00.000-07:00

Jo had been sharing a loft with Adam for about eight years now. Although in reality, eight years is a significantly long time, for Jo it just flew by. They had been friends since before high school and when they both decided to go to the same post-secondary, it was only natural that they find a place together. Five of the eight years were spent in a small, small apartment in the midst of the infamous Kensington market. That place had been a steal at only $900 a month and the location made up for its lack of closet space (and breathing room). Other than a few friendly spats over incredibly unimportant things (like the time Adam had attempted to wash his entire wardrobe in the shower... all at once... while he was still wearing it... with Jo's favourite coconut bubble bath from the body shop) the living arrangements had worked out incredibly well.
After they both graduated from O to da C to da A to da D and were well on their way to "making lotz of bling from their creativity", the pair had decided to move up. Jo found the Candy Factory Lofts advertised in a newspaper and she instantly fell in love. The building's location was only a ten minute walk to her studio and it was surrounded by incredible stores and restaurants. The fact that the building was once an actual candy factory was just a bonus.
Jo finished applying her mascara and walked out of the bathroom. The hallway smelt like eggs and burnt toast. She slipped into her bedroom to grab her latest handbag creation: an ivory coloured tote with a plum coloured abstract print on it (the print was actually an extreme close of Slash's hair... you know... the lead guitarist from the Guns N' Roses...?) then hurried into the kitchen. Adam was dressed in his usual: black shirt, brown baggy shorts and suspenders. His Reyes Quicksilver army hat was pulled down very low on his head; a futile attempt to hide his orange locks.
"Hey." he grunted to Jo. He was sitting on the countertop, a newspaper in one hand and a glass of milk in the other. "Want some eggs?"
"No thanks." Jo was in a rush: she now had only fifteen minutes to get to work. She grabbed a frozen Jamaican patty out of the freezer and popped it into the microwave. "Where's Fitz?"
"Out back doing his thing."
DING
Jo grabbed the patty, wrapped it in a paper towel, then headed towards the door. "Well, I'm probably going to be a bit late for dinner tonight. Is everyone still coming over?" she asked, attempting to get her feet into her black leather Power-by-Jimmy-Choo slingbacks without sitting down.
"Yah, I'm pretty sure," Adam was still staring at the newspaper.
"Alright." She finished securing her feet. Jo threw open the door and ran into the hallway... "Wait," Adam called from the counter.
She stuck her head back into the room, "What?!"
"Do you think these are real?" Adam held up his newspaper: it was the full page spread of the latest Sunshine Girl.
"UGHHHH!!!" Jo groaned and dashed out of the room again, slamming the door behind her.

Chapter One

2006-07-10T17:18:00.000-07:00

Joanna Schliemer groaned under her angora Wamsutta 500 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. It was six o’clock in the morning already. She rolled over and hit the small silver button that turned off her retro-inspired, Westclox alarm clock, then struggled to sit up. Every fiber in her head screamed in protest, but there was no way she was going to sleep through another meeting. Half blind with fatigue, Jo threw her legs out of her oh-so-warm covers and over the side of the bed. She slipped her feet into the comfy white aerie-terry slippers she bought last week at American Eagle and wrapped the matching bath robe over her summer pjs before shuffling towards her bedroom window. She threw back the custom printed floor length curtains (that she had designed and created herself) and her headache was instantly forgotten.
The view was spectacular and never failed to take her breath away. The building in which she lived was located on Queen Street in downtown Toronto, and even at such an early hour, the street was bustling. Commuters and students alike zigzagged past the eclectic collection of shops and restaurants in an attempt to arrive at their final destinations on time. Daredevils on bicycles narrowly avoided the open doors of delivery trucks parked on the curb and the odd jogger zipped down the street, oblivious to everything except the current song coming out of his ipod. Directly in front of her loomed the brick walls of more buildings, possibly other factory-turned-loft’s like her own. It wasn’t an ocean front view with a sunset, but it was glorious to her all the same.
The rising sun glinted off of the windows in front of her, reflecting light into her spacious bedroom. The walls were a soft, mossy green that was very soothing in the early morning light. She took a deep breath, rubbed her eyes and shook out her hair. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful day and, ignoring her still-somewhat-throbbing-head, she grabbed a towel and skipped out into the hallway towards the bathroom, a refreshing shower on her mind.
She didn’t hesitate when she reached the door to her bathroom. With probably more force than was necessary she turned the glass door knob and shoved the old oak door open and…. screamed: “What the fuck?”
Standing before her, wearing nothing but one of her aloe coloured LNT deluxe cotton bath towels was her roommate, Adam. Now, Adam half naked was nothing out of the ordinary for Jo. Potential nakedness is a given when two people are sharing one space. What she didn’t expect was the metallic blue shower cap covering Adams once-brown-now-a-weird-orangy-yellowish-coloured hair and what looked like a naked chiwawa sitting in her martini glass shaped sink.
“Oh, hey Jo,” Adam responded casually. He was brushing his teeth so it actually sounded more like “Oh, eh oh.” Joanna groaned inside, then took a deep, soothing breath to calm her frazzled nerves.
“Adam?” she asked, overly polite.
“Esso?” Adam replied.
“Why is there a naked chiwawa in my sink?” Adam turned away from the mirror for a second to give his roommate a quizzical stare. Turning away again, he walked over to the toilet and spit out his wad of toothpaste.
“First of all,” said Adam, helping himself to another one of Jo’s towels to wipe his face off with, “he is not a chiwawa. His name is Fitzpatrick and he is a Chinese Crested. Second of all,” Adam opened up a cabinet next to the sink and removed a bottle of air freshener, “it’s OUR sink, roomie!”
Jo rolled her eyes, then glanced at the hammered-silver-martini-glass shaped clock that was hanging in the corner. The if the hands on the olive were correct, she was in grave danger of missing her client. She turned back to Adam, who was spraying the air freshener under his arms.
“Whatever. Are you done in here? I really need to go.”
“Yah, sure.” Adam replaced the cap on the bottle and walked out.
“…Adam??” Jo called after him. Fitzpatrick was giving her a very evil stare.
“Huh?” he turned around, “Oh! C’mon Fitz, I’ll make you some eggs!” The dog jumped out of the sink and followed his towel-covered, fresh-springtime-air-smelling commander down the hall.
Jo shut the door quickly, then leaned back against it and slid to the floor. It was a beautiful day, that was for sure… but it was going to be a long one.